Like all illnesses, mental illness has symptoms. I felt no pain and have no recollection of it. A few weeks earlier while in hospital, I had tried to stab my own eyes out with a plastic straw from a juice carton. To this point, he said that the reason Vincent van Gogh would have cut his own ear off would have been psychosis. He said I was both blessed and cursed by the creative mind. The head psychiatrist said it was the worst case he had witnessed in his 40-year career. They allowed my wife to bring it on to the ward for me and it was the first time anything had passed my lips in three days. The doctors asked what my favourite drinks were and, me being a sucker for all things sweet, I love banana Yazoo. Without my wife’s support, I would be dead by now. I’ve since been informed that it’s nothing like you see in the movies and I hope never to get to that place again. Luckily, I managed to get well enough for this not to happen. They very nearly gave me electric shock therapy as a last resort. Your body starts eating itself in order to survive. This is dangerous, as we know that your organs start shutting down after three days of no liquid. I ended up sectioned in hospital for a month. Here’s a list of the emotions and experiences I went through during my four months of being ill: self-doubt, paranoia, hallucinations, psychosis, suicidal thoughts and a nice dollop of insomnia. What I’m writing here is just some of what I experienced. I also believe that people who suffer have very different experiences and tolerance levels. And like many illnesses, it can be cured or healed over time with the right support and help. Every time I spoke to the mental-health crisis team and the doctors about how I felt, they said it was normal. It is the biggest killer of men under the age of 50. It’s not being a little bit sad or teary. I didn’t work for six months because of this illness and the reason I’m writing this is because some people can’t understand or don’t get what depression is. Unfortunately, I can also suffer from bad anxiety and depression sometimes. These traits are not me putting a face on they are who I am.
Yazoo bits and pieces full#
I’m the complete opposite, full of energy and positivity. Those who know me know that I’m not a negative or depressive kind of person. This was the first proper diagnosis I’ve had, which now puts me at peace. Last year, I suffered from my most severe episode of depression.
Some people regard me as one of the best designers in town. I’ve won numerous awards. Last year, my obesity campaign for Cancer Research UK, featuring cigarette-pack designs, won Bravest Campaign of the Year. Nike commissioned me to design a T-shirt. Topshop commissioned me to design a T-shirt and installation piece. The V&A has three pieces of my work in its permanent collection. The Science Museum sells one of my designs. My logo is tiled into the floor of Quo Vadis.
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